I’d Be Lost…

Yes I know, it’s been awhile.  So much time apart, so many memories and moments left uncaptured, stories left untold.  But I’m back – at least for now.  And this is what I have to say – to share.  I was scrapbooking today in hopes of preserving my life thus far before my graduation party when I came across a poem I had written my sophomore year.  And since I have been in a particularly sentimental mood as of lately I’ve decided to share.

My Friend
We walked on waters, waded through weeds,
talked for hours, tired and teased,
shared our sorrows, saddened the same,
treasured tomorrows, new adventures to tame.
We watched and wondered, wide eyed we wept,
cradling comforts, crazy secrets we’ve kept,
awaking adventures, alone and afraid,
magically magnificent, the memories we’ve made.

This post is dedicated to them – my friends.  The people who know all of my faults, yet love me anyways.  Without them I’d be lost, without them I’d be incomplete.

To Cory.

To Rachael.

To Candace.

To Erika.

To Heather.

To Kyle.

To Donny.

To Joe.

To Erin.

To Adam.

To Audrey.

To Sarah.

And to everyone else.

I love you guys.

Risk The Fall…

I know it’s late, but this has all been on my heart and I need to write it down, to share.  It has been one of those days.  The kind where everything seems to go wrong and no one seems to care.  But even in the midst of all of my stress God is there.  He brought me this prayer today, it’s one I’d written about a year or so ago.  I read this, and loved the girl who wrote it, I read this and realized who it is I need to rediscover.

In a world filled with such hate, hunger and selfishness, help me be a light that shines like a beacon in the darkness of this earth.  God use me as your disciple, live in me and let your will be done in my life.  Let my body be your temple and my mouth be filled with your word.  Use me in ways that I could never imagine and let me be the change that you would like to see in this world.  I am all yours and you are all mine, I love you God and trust in your will for my life.  Help me to be more like you and less like me.

Amen.

I still believe all of these things, still have all of these passions, I just have let them fade away.  But not anymore.  Today all of that changes, today I will be committed to being focused on living out Gods will for my life.  I graduate in four short weeks, thirteen long years of public school over.  One chapter closed, a new one just beginning.  I am looking forward to college, to taking this first step to the rest of my life.  With God by my side, I know that my future will be bright.  My only fear is that I’ll let him down.  I am a human, I know that I’ve sinned, that I fall short of his glory, and that scares me.  But I am not going to let my fears of failure keep me from living out Gods purpose for my life.  Leaving the nest is scary.  Testing your wings, frightening.  But if you don’t risk the fall you’ll never know if you would have been able to fly.  And at the end of my days, I don’t want the what-if’s of my life to eat me alive.  I want to know that I’ve accomplished my mission.  When I’m confident in that, I will no longer fear death, but instead look forward to meeting my savior in Heaven.  Because isn’t that what this life’s all about?  It’s just a test, a trial run preparing us for our internal home.  Pass and you’ll recive an award far greater than anything you could have ever imagined.  Fail and there will be no second chance.  It’s that black and white, that cut and dry.  And that’s scary.  I can only pray that I have enough impact in this world to change that fate, if only for one other soul.

Writing Me A Story…

I came across this quote today..

“Every man’s life is a fairy tale written by God’s fingers.” – Hans Christian Andersen

These beautiful words touched me, inspired me.  For within each of our lives lies a grand adventure, a journey far different than that of anyone else.  I used to always see movies, read books, wishing I was a character, that my life was as exciting.  Now I realize that it is, in ways I could have never imagined, all I had to do was wait.  Wait for God to start me on a path far more exciting than any book I’ve ever read, anything I could have ever imagined.  I thank him for that.  For bringing me to and through my own set of events.  For writing me a story far greater than anything I could have put to paper.  My life’s a novel written by the greatest author of all time, one page, one chapter after the next.  Start to finish.

Yes, yes, New York pictures I know :)

Into Words…

I can’t write, I don’t know why.  Words used to come so easily to me, but now they’re just jumbled up mush inside of my head.  I love to blog, love the stories I can tell, the ability to share and preserve life for both myself and others.  But lately I just can’t.  Lately I’ve been stuck.  It’s not that I haven’t been living, not that I’m not happy in the adventure that’s unfolding all around me, I just can’t seem to put it into words, to pick out the pieces that others would care to know.  I am in a great place, so why can’t I share that with you?  Why can’t I write these memories down to keep safely hidden away?  These are the questions that have been on my mind.  How do I take my adventure and put it into words, give it new meaning, a second life?  I hope to find the answers soon.  I hope that this case of writers block is cured.  I miss sharing with all of you.  In a way I guess that with this I still am, but it’s not the same.  I need to rediscover how to organize my thoughts, how to lay them away in separate places, all easily assessable.  Maybe my problem is that I am over-thinking, but then again I don’t know how not to.  For now I’m just going to keep on this path, this amazing adventure, holding on tight and enjoying the ride.  Through it all something is bound to happen worth sharing.  I can only hope that when it does (because it will) I am able to find the words to share the experience with all of you.  Until then, I apologize for my lack of awesome posts.  They’ll return again soon – I promise.

<3 Kaitlyn

A Little Gift…

I finally got around to cleaning out my backpack from sophomore year (I’ll give you a few minutes to let that one sink in) when I ran across this – a long lost, untitled poem I had written during biology.  I think that keeping it hidden for so long was a little gift from God, that he knew just when I’d need a pick me up, a reminder of the beauty in that which he created.  Another gift?  The freak snow day Monday which gave me the time to find it, and of course todays beautiful seventy degree weather.  Thanks Ohio.  So here it is, my own little secret masterpiece.  A poem that made me long for summer and send a prayer of thanks to the big man up above.

*****

Step outside into fresh country air,

Gods’ beautiful creation awaits me there.

I close my eyes and breath it in,

then look around, my journey begins.

Down by the creek I sit in the dew,

dangle my toes in the waters so blue.

Squishing my fingers around in the muck,

finding the perfect size rock to chuck.

I roll up my sleeves and my jeans,

to wade in the coolness of the stream.

Splishing and splashing I run to the shore,

seeing these things like never before.

I spread out a blanket in the cool shade,

drying myself from the water I’d wade.

I close my eyes too exhausted for words,

finding slumber to the chirping of birds.

<3 Kaitlyn